Dear Past,

Dear Past,

Things change.

–

Today, I headed down to Queenstown Library. Studying was a secondary goal, of course.

When I first arrived at the MRT platform, I was confused. for the old buildings on the left had been demolished, leaving nothing behind but grass. Grass atop extremely bumpy soil, but still grass nonetheless.

Just a wide, open field.

I had this slight sense of loss, one that was comparable to the sense of loss I felt when Mr. Long, the elderly man I was in charge of looking after, passed away. I’m kind of a dick for comparing a bunch of old buildings to a real, live person, but you can’t force me to mourn for someone I’ve never been talking to. I kind of hate myself for not being depressed, but only because it’s morally right I hate myself so.

Change is pretty intriguing, isn’t it? One day, you could be walking through a hawker centre with the scents and smells of a thousand dishes, and the next day it’s just grass and soil and everything below.

One day, a friend of yours could be bustling and happy lark, and a nervous wreck the next. A hilarious joker one day, and a humourless statue the next.

Yet again, things stay the same. Nothing’s really changed, it’s just that one or two qualities. Queenstown is still bloody Queenstown, it’s still where your childhood was at. That friend’s still your friend, just needs a little more support or a little more time on his own, that’s all.

Sometimes I think I’m the only one who notices these changes. But I’m still here, attending to these changed things. In a way, nothing’s different.

–

Today, I travelled to Dhoby Ghaut where I decided to walk to Esplanade. In my short journey through the city, many, many familiar places linked together at once; Orchard is next to Dhoby Ghaut, Dhoby Ghaut is beside SMU, SMU’s near the Art Museum, the Art Museum’s in Bugis, Bugis is around City Hall, and before you know it, you’re at Marina Square.

–

Today, I ate at JustAcia.

When I arrived, finger poised while saying an unfamiliar phrase “Table for… one.” Aaand I was seated right between two couples. Nothing new here.

I rarely eat alone, but when I do, I get very self-conscious. I only got to finish 3 ice-creams!

–

Tonight, I scampered to the roof of the Esplanade,.

I looked up towards the sky, and saw the stars for the first time. I’ve been looking at the skies for a long time now. And do you know why I haven’t ever seen the stars before?

The stars were always there, and my assumptions made me blind to the light they gave, the ever-twinkling sparks in the distance. My assumptions were that they could never be seen because of all the lights around. But they were always there to appreciate. Because I was dumb and foolish and egocentric and all I ever cared about was me.

Or maybe I’ve never really looked up before. There is this nightly light show at the Marina Bay Sands, and it’s mesmerising, the way a desk lamp seems to enrapture a moth. But I’ve never looked at the stars. Never really noticed the light they provided. Never really treasured what I had, maybe.

Also, there was a band which was really neat before they got into the really jazzy stuff. Then my ears died.