Most of the time, you’re going to be spending your time fawning over people who do not care, while unwittingly shrugging off those who actually matter.
It’s generally impossible to be well-liked everywhere. A vicious, vicious cycle of nonplussedness and snobbery, where your opinions don’t matter and shit gets unreal from time to time. I don’t even feel comfortable with the way anything is going now.
Screwing up my tests, feeling like dirt half the time. Being lonely, realising that no one really wants to be in my company, being shunned and mocked and belittled. The little things that chip away at your ego and remind you that you’re not so different from the people everyone is making fun of. Not that I was ever a popular person in the first place. And I’m pretty sure it’s not just my pessimism speaking for me.
A few days ago my semi-unsober self wrote that “I should really think of myself in terms of the world and not the world in terms of myself”. It’s a lie, of course. Lying to yourself doesn’t change anything. A whole lot of escapism isn’t doing yourself any good.
What’s the point in wishing well upon others when I feel shittier every time I do so anyway?
Man up, if I let this get to me I’ll ruin myself for sure, and I’m pretty sure I already have.
it’s only going to get worse.
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