I’ve been running regularly and lost about 3kg (yes!) ; I’ve also been taking anti-depressants somewhat regularly ever since that birthday episode knowing how deep in the pits I’ve been.
I’ve described the fluoxetine in an older post. Taking it nowadays leads to a variety of side effects and nonsense.
The brain is horrible at self diagnosis. The medicine begins by suppressing something. I think it suppresses the chemicals that make me overthink, because I find myself doing that much, much less after taking it. I don’t feel perceptibly more spright or anything, it just is the absence of too many thoughts.
The void of overthinking is then filled up with restlessness. I can’t concentrate well, if at all. Recess week was a blur, but I don’t know if it was because I was wasting my life away or because I was literally forced into a shit attention span. But it’s fine, because I no longer overthink as much. My attention lasts laughably short and I get bored easily.
Perhaps it’s because I used to use 100% of my brain like Lucy and now with much less thinking to do, my brain’s still on restless overdrive.
The bad thoughts still come, but managbly slowly. But so does everything else. I take longer to decide and comprehend. Sometimes I talk to myself to rally myself together, and also because the weirdness of talking to myself gets cast away as a bad thought.
Sometimes I nap even if there’s loads to do; I’m just bored.
If I were to stop taking the meds immediately, all the suppressed chemicals burst forth into anxiety-central and any little problem launches me into a deluge of discomfort and adrenaline. Perhaps that’s why I thought I had anxiety as well.
Upon taking alcohol whilst under the effects of the medicine, the next day is almost always guaranteed to be sombre.
No medicine casts a dull haze in my vision and I tend to act more rationally, with the painful effect of being sensitive as all hell and sighing a lot.
Sleeping is never a problem.
Starfucker couldn’t come to Singapore because they support marijuana. Sue’s present for my birthday is hereby refunded.
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