Rewind

We were back on the metal stairs, this time leaning against a wall with a significant pile of ash and cigarette filters, an ornate bottle of coffee liqueur, a mug and two packets of tobacco sitting in the middle of our four-man circle.

“Here’s something I ask all my friends,” Mars raised, “If you could rewind your life to a certain point, what would you have done differently?”

I asked in return, “What would you have done?”

“Well… I told y’all already what.” I winced as she snapped back. “I’d go do science instead of languages. Get into engineering. Become an astronaut. Unfuck my vision.”

I’d go back to Sec 1. Join band instead. Butterfly effect. Maybe I’d be way more inspired. Maybe I’d be not fat. Or awkward.

Gio, in his thick Italian accent, said, “I’d maybe do physics if I didn’t like to make stuff. But I do! So I’m pretty okay with the life I’m having now.”

I wowed honestly and found myself in envy of his content.

“Well,” He continued, “My cousin is coming down to meet me at Bangkok in December.”

“What’s he like?”

“Uh, he’s constantly worrying. Not like me at all.”

I grinned. “Like me, then!”

“You? Nah. You seem pretty cool actually.” The rest nodded in agreement and I grinned harder.

Or maybe I’d dump Com Science for Sociology. They know this. I’ve mentioned it a few times. But it’s OK. Nobody really cares. (They do.) Yeah, you know what I mean.

Joseph ruminated. “I’d go back and take it easy. Maybe less on acads and more on talking to people.”

“I thought you’re doing fine!”

“No, not like that. More like not stress out so much, you know?”

Mars told us stories of her squatting at squatters in Melbourne and Prague, an adolescent spirit spending 7 months on her own, fuelled by her hatred for our country, her family being pissed at her, no finances and social anxiety to begin with.

If you’ve nothing to lose, you’ll end up doing pretty crazy stuff. It’s all about faking it. This kind of thing comes with practice. She had a lot to share with us.

As we chatted through 2am, I wondered and I was right: the question didn’t reach me.

But I smiled and was fine with it, and this time, bathed myself in the presence: of strong tobacco that stuck on my fingers, awesome stories and coffee liqueur.

I returned to my room, feeling loved and eager to dream about our potential road trip.