Lifesaver

I’ve spent the last four days swimming in the evenings in preparation for my Lifesaving 1, 2 and 3 course. It would usually take a few months, but Derek sourced for an instructor that would cram all the nitty-gritty of dealing with weak, non-, injured and unconscious swimmers to just slightly less than a work week.

I’ve passed, of course, and it wasn’t so tough after all.

I was surprised that no alcertations rose between Derek, Rayyan, Chuan and me in these days, as past events (NS, Batam, Taiwan, Europe) had shown. Perhaps it’s not my fault those were shit times after all.

Stage preparations on the other hand fluctuate like my very own mood – I’ve found myself panicking over the littlest of things recently, and I keep wondering if I’ve always been, you know, like that.

Quick to anger? Panicky? Self-loathing? Problems in the proposals crop up every time I take the next step and yet everyone silently applauds my simple efforts to organise everything…

I know nothing, stop thanking me!

I keep having to ask Steph and I think her patience is running low.

–

I’ve found that I’ve been speaking to myself, mumbling nonsense, quivering gently and darting my eyes from time to time. That can’t be good.

I’m not sure if school will stabilise this or if I’m going to be a bloodstained mess at the foot of a skyscraper eventually.

…

I woke up and read an acquaintance’s blog, and was moved and inspired to write… Something.

I’ll figure it out. Here’s the incoherent mess for now, at 3am.