Forms

Every time I let my guard down, it all returns; the damn dog, the cold trickling through my heart and the headholding all a volley of emotions and the lack thereof. 

I used to cure the melancholy in various ways like long walks and too-much-alcohol and now it seems like planning to fuck up University is next on the list. 

I felt so defeated yesterday as the throng of noisy people shattered my solitude as they joined me in the conference room; I excused myself and slouched outside to the sofa where I melted into the sofa and ended up telling her too damn much. 

I’d like to grab the management office staff, the professors, tutors, Stage crew and everyone who had even a sliver of hope in my ability by their lapels.  I’d like to yell “it’s too damn much”, spit flying everywhere. I’m tired again, just when I’d forgotten what it was like to be tired.