Escapism [V – Something in life that gives you balance]

Today was the worst possible day I could’ve ever had. And yet I didn’t really feel upset at all.

I’m sniffling and sneezing and gasping and coughing right now with a sore throat and that’s probably a cold I’ve got. Mucus is dripping out of my nose like a loose tap. A stoned expression left behind from the 5-hour nap – aaaand absolutely no appetite at all either.

It’s that kind of limbo, the kind where you don’t know if you’re hot or you’re cold and you can’t decide whether to turn the fan on or not because you’re shivering and sweating at the same time. Pretty sure I could turn this into a philosophical argument. But I’ll avoid that for now.

I think this is the oft-quoted sickness from worry – I’ve never gotten this depressed (or shell-shocked) before for anything.

Some things and people and relationship mean a lot to me and I think I can trust that nothing’s going to change.

–

There was something really horrible that happened this morning on the way to school. I won’t say what it was but it was really painful. Physically.

When I reached school I realised together with Chuan that Math was on Tuesday and not Monday.

But I wasn’t terribly unhappy.

–

I daydream all the time. To escape reality, I guess. To keep myself happy when the situation doesn’t allow for it.

I once claimed during an interview that I was good in thinking up of ideas. It was a bad idea. I got roasted.

Most of my problems come from thinking too much about things too.

With my earphones on and my eyes closed I imagine things. Life, as a music video. Events playing out in accordance to the music.

“This door is always open, this door is always open / No one has the guts to shut us out”

I imagine, the few of us smiling and laughing, at random things off the camera and apparent jokes. The Esplanade as the backdrop and occasional cuts to me shredding on the guitar. And of course the guy on the drums. The bass player… No one cares about the bass player.

And lots of bokeh. That kind of thing, you know.

I’m an idealist as far as I can tell. Haha.

Here is a quote to justify myself (although it’s just escapism again):

“True genius sees with the eyes of a child and thinks with the brain of a genii.” -Puzant Kevork Thomajan

–

There must be a reason I’m typing this at 1AM 2AM 3AM 4AM. BLAH I don’t feel like sleeping.

Bragging rights. I can say LOL I SLEPT AT 6AM I AM BOSS.

God, I need some medicine for this shit, my nose is pathetic!