Social imperfections.

It’s like 3am and I can’t freaking sleep so here I am.

I’ve been unable to sleep well ever since a week ago when I came to the conclusion that I required social connections to be happy. In fact, I’ve stopped being unhappy and stopped caring, but I’ve stopped being happy and able to sleep early as well. Yes, I don’t understand myself either.

I was so huge when I was younger. I want to slap my young self so bad.

To my main point.

So two days ago, I attended my primary school class reunion. We had only 2 classes of GEP students so it was easy to socialize and stuff, everyone knew one another and well, life was pretty great. There’s no one I dislike from this group of friends I have and I guess it’s pretty hard to come by.

But man, man, after hearing the stories they had, those about nightmarish breakups, doing really (people getting drunk-ass, knocking up with others, general things that make you go “why doesn’t anything happen in MY school?) wild things, and even relationships that I was practically oblivious to… It kind of shatters that one ‘perfect’ image you’ve had; the one where all of these people used to be KIDS who squealed upon hearing swears. All the happy innocent memories of ‘catching’, childish escapades and classes replaced with tears, vice and broken hearts.

It’s even stupider (More stupid? Dumber? Stupid to a greater extent?) that I didn’t know any of that. I mean, we’re talking about me going “WHAT?!” every minute, things that only happen in dramas and stuff (I’m usually the one to make others go “WHAT?!” once a day so it’s extra weird) I used to think that I hung out with these people a lot, and clearly I’ve been leaving a tad early every time we had a reunion. I’ve really, really missed out catching up with my friends. That is a terrible pity.

Also, it is glaringly obvious that I did not have a social life then. It’s a terrible thing to suddenly realise that you’re actually an innocent INTROVERT after 7.5 years of bloody delusion.

For Pete’s sake, I only started caring about my own appearance last year. Damnit.

I left the reunion at nearly midnight, with more questions about myself than I’d have liked.

But the great thing about this is that this goes to show that the current friends I have are more perfect than I think, that they’re all just relatable, pure and perfectly fantastic people whom I know very well indeed and whom I deserve to think of in the best way possible. That’s… a pretty, pretty nice thought to have.

Thanks for reading this. You’re a great person.