There’s a point between teenhood and adulthood where the question “why does life suck” transitions into “what is the meaning of life” or “what is happiness” and “where can I get this happiness” and maybe even “goddamn I really want this happiness can I get it by purchasing another $30 of steam games“.
These are oft-asked questions, surely, that might elicit groans or eyerolls for the fact that these questions are just dripping with the stench of adolescence and the discolouration that cliche brings.
My friends are entering the army, getting jobs and all I’m doing is sitting around, feeling bad for myself and others and generally over-thinking. Occasionally, I’d have an “epiphany” of sorts, and yet stay bogged down again days later with the unnecessary.
Where can one find this happiness? Through the warmth of an interlocking hand-hold? The sweetness that seems to emanate from the eyes and the little crow’s feet that form from a gleeful grin?
Perhaps, one can find it from the inside of a bottle? Long solitary walks? Stares out the window?
There’s a plain difference, hardly a fine line at all, between wanting the happiness that other people are having and just… being unhappy.
Perhaps I’m only trying to chase for the happiness that other people are having. A forbidden fruit of sorts. Perhaps I won’t be happy even if I managed to catch this happy.
I’m finding ways to be happier of course. Things aren’t going too well since (mostly) everyone gets mad at me. But it’s okay. Things will be better soon.
(Bloody sure it doesn’t come from a game of DotA. DotA games only serve to make people mad or cocky and I don’t really like that.)
I’m sorry if this sounds fragmented. It’s 3AM and I’m talking about happiness.
