Casa De Shao

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  • Time every journey to bump into you, accidentally.

    Did you ever try to fit in with a bunch of people, but find yourself feeling even more left out?

    Although it isn’t really the case?

    –

    Did you ever feel like there was a problem and that it made you extremely uncomfortable, although there wasn’t one?

    –

    And do you ever wonder “when’ll it be my turn”?

    When you’re waiting at the doctor’s; when your friend gets a girlfriend; when your brother enters NS…

    I’m still waiting for my turn, though. For a lot of things.

    –

    Originally I wrote a tonne of stuff, but it didn’t make sense, so the above’s an abridged version.

    Catch me when I’m slightly more depressed and I might come up with something,

    –

    Dark of the Matinee – Franz Ferdinand 

    Take your white finger
    Slide the nail under the top and bottom buttons of my blazer
    Relax the fraying wool, slacken ties
    And I’m not to look at you in the shoe, but the eyes, find the eyes

    Find me and follow me through corridors, refectories and files
    You must follow me, leave this pshycadelic factory
    You will find me in the matinee
    The dark of the matinee
    It’s better in the matinee
    The dark of the matinee is mine
    Yes it’s mine

    Time every journey to bump into you, accidentally
    I charm you and tell you of the boys I hate
    All the girls I hate
    All the words I hate
    All the clothes I hate
    How I’ll never be anything I hate
    You smile, mention something that you like
    Oh how you’d have a happy life if you did the things you like

    Find me and follow me through corridors, refectories and files
    You must follow, leave this academic factory
    You will find me in the matinee
    The dark of the matinee
    It’s better in the matinee
    The dark of the matinee is mine
    Yes it’s mine

    So I’m on BBC2 now, telling Terry Wogan how I made it and
    What I made is unclear now, but his deference is and his laughter is
    My words and smile are so easy now
    Yes, It’s easy now
    Yes, It’s easy now

    Find me and follow me through corridors, refectories and files
    You must follow, leave this pshycadelic factory
    You will find me in the matinee
    The dark of the matinee
    It’s better in the matinee
    The dark of the matinee
    Find me and follow me through corridors, refectories and files
    You must follow, leave this psychadelic factory
    You’ll find me in the matinee
    The dark of the matinee
    Better in the matinee
    The dark of the matinee is mine
    Yes it’s mine

  • Prioritizing.

    I’m having major, and I mean MAJOR mood swings. Like, if you charted it on a graph it’d be like a tangent graph from negative half-pi to positive half-pi, only that positive means that I’m happy and negative means the world’s gonna blow.

    One moment I’d be laughing and the next I’d be so depressed and down and like the world’s been cast upon my shoulders. It’s pathetic in the sense that because I’m a dude I’m not allowed to do that. One moment I’m pissed and the next I’m forgiving and smiling.

    Blocks are in 2 days, I’m pretty much effed for blocks, and this isn’t helping at ALL. I need some fresh air and something to punch, but those will take my time off from studying which is a completely justifiable excuse for not exercising. (89.4 now, I’ve seen some improvement)

    Also the fact that my self-esteem’s been in the dumps doesn’t help either.

    Like “woah did I tell you that I mean I only told my closest friends” BAM RIGHT IN THE GUT. First, you told me “that thing” at the start of the year and second, I’ve known you rather closely for the past 5 years, and wait what is this I’m unimportant? Thanks.

    Wow. Jeez. Damn.

    I have to think carefully before I say anything because things like that have the potential to ram a guy’s ego into the gutter.

    Not like I’ve done anything to offend him. But I’ve learnt something, so thanks, anon.

    Goddamnit the only past I have to think of now is my PAST RESULTS and my PAST TOPICS FOR PHYSICS, COMPUTING, MATHS AND ECONS.

    –

    This song makes me a bit happy, because it’s all groovy. Also the people dancing are wearing cool art stuff so I’m like artsy for watching it.

    I suppose the video cams are there to represent the points of view for the different girls. At the start, their movements are robotic, somewhat “military” in the sense that they’re unfeeling and don’t really care how they make a boy feel. When the scene turns crimson and the video cams start panning across their legs, it’s depicting how men often only view women as sexual objects. When the colourful robes come on -this is somewhat tricky- their movements seem much more elegant which is trying to tell us that there’s more than one dimension to this matter, that girls do have a wide range of feelings and that boys never care how girls feel?

    Wow…

    When you’re analysing music videos at midnight… something tells me it’s time to sleep.

    EDIT: Okay I just read that they played the percussion using human bones

    what, why, paul, why

    No You Girls – Franz Ferdinand

    Oh, kiss me
    Lick your cigarette then kiss me
    Kiss me where your eye won’t meet me
    Meet me where your mind won’t kiss me

    Lick your eyes and mine and then hit me
    Hit me with your eyes so sweetly
    Oh, you know, you know, you know that, yes, I love
    I mean I’d love to get to know you

    Do you never wonder?
    No, no, no, no

    You girls never know, oh, no, you girls will never know
    No, you girls never know how you make a boy feel
    You girls never know, oh, no, you girls will never know
    No, you girls never know how you make a boy feel
    How you make a boy

    Oh, kiss me
    Lick your cigarette and then kiss me
    Kiss me where your eye won’t meet me
    Meet me where your eye won’t lick me

    Lick your mind and mine so briefly
    Oh, you know, you know you’re so sweetly
    Oh, you know, you know, I know that I love you
    I mean I, I mean I need to love

    Do you never wonder?
    No, no, no, no

    You girls never know, oh, no, you girls will never know
    No, you girls never know how you make a boy feel
    You girls never know, oh, no, you girls will never know
    No, you girls never know how you make a boy feel
    How you make a boy feel, how you make a boy

    Sometimes I say stupid things that I think
    Well, I mean, I, sometimes I think the stupidest things
    Because I never wonder how the girl feels
    Oh, how the girl feels

    No, you boys never care, oh, no, you boys will never care
    No, you boys never care, how the girl feels
    You boys never care, you dirty boys will never care
    No, you boys never care, how the girl feels
    Oh, how the girl feels, oh, how the girl feels

  • Dear Past,

    Dear Past,

    Things change.

    –

    Today, I headed down to Queenstown Library. Studying was a secondary goal, of course.

    When I first arrived at the MRT platform, I was confused. for the old buildings on the left had been demolished, leaving nothing behind but grass. Grass atop extremely bumpy soil, but still grass nonetheless.

    Just a wide, open field.

    I had this slight sense of loss, one that was comparable to the sense of loss I felt when Mr. Long, the elderly man I was in charge of looking after, passed away. I’m kind of a dick for comparing a bunch of old buildings to a real, live person, but you can’t force me to mourn for someone I’ve never been talking to. I kind of hate myself for not being depressed, but only because it’s morally right I hate myself so.

    Change is pretty intriguing, isn’t it? One day, you could be walking through a hawker centre with the scents and smells of a thousand dishes, and the next day it’s just grass and soil and everything below.

    One day, a friend of yours could be bustling and happy lark, and a nervous wreck the next. A hilarious joker one day, and a humourless statue the next.

    Yet again, things stay the same. Nothing’s really changed, it’s just that one or two qualities. Queenstown is still bloody Queenstown, it’s still where your childhood was at. That friend’s still your friend, just needs a little more support or a little more time on his own, that’s all.

    Sometimes I think I’m the only one who notices these changes. But I’m still here, attending to these changed things. In a way, nothing’s different.

    –

    Today, I travelled to Dhoby Ghaut where I decided to walk to Esplanade. In my short journey through the city, many, many familiar places linked together at once; Orchard is next to Dhoby Ghaut, Dhoby Ghaut is beside SMU, SMU’s near the Art Museum, the Art Museum’s in Bugis, Bugis is around City Hall, and before you know it, you’re at Marina Square.

    –

    Today, I ate at JustAcia.

    When I arrived, finger poised while saying an unfamiliar phrase “Table for… one.” Aaand I was seated right between two couples. Nothing new here.

    I rarely eat alone, but when I do, I get very self-conscious. I only got to finish 3 ice-creams!

    –

    Tonight, I scampered to the roof of the Esplanade,.

    I looked up towards the sky, and saw the stars for the first time. I’ve been looking at the skies for a long time now. And do you know why I haven’t ever seen the stars before?

    The stars were always there, and my assumptions made me blind to the light they gave, the ever-twinkling sparks in the distance. My assumptions were that they could never be seen because of all the lights around. But they were always there to appreciate. Because I was dumb and foolish and egocentric and all I ever cared about was me.

    Image

    Or maybe I’ve never really looked up before. There is this nightly light show at the Marina Bay Sands, and it’s mesmerising, the way a desk lamp seems to enrapture a moth. But I’ve never looked at the stars. Never really noticed the light they provided. Never really treasured what I had, maybe.

    Also, there was a band which was really neat before they got into the really jazzy stuff. Then my ears died.

  • Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need.

    I’ll wait.

  • Protected: I miss the old times.

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  • did I ever tell you how runny noses came to be?

    Never mind, it wasn’t a very good or SFW story anyway. Something about genitals and noses.

    So I think I’ve fallen sick once again, but it’s the worst kind of sick; not sick enough to warrant an M.C., but sick enough to hack and cough every once in a while, sick enough to wander around the house sniffling like a terrified child during a marathon horror movie session in winter. To top it off, I tried to vault a wall and I decided against that while vaulting said wall, so I kind of smashed my knee against the top and now I can’t walk properly. I just prodded it and it doesn’t hurt so much.

    For the past 2 days, I’ve been thinking about how I treated people and what I expect of them, how I’ve been constantly disappointed and unhappy and stuff because people don’t act the way I think they should. So, I’ve come to a conclusion that I shouldn’t really step in to decide what others should do for me or themselves.

    Because that’s rather bossy and dumb and frankly no one really cares what you think because opening your big dumbass mouth is going to hurt someone and cause misunderstandings and shit.

    Standing back and not expecting anything would be nice. It’ll be great to be pleasantly surprised by something that I didn’t expect, rather than to be disappointed by something that I tried to expect. Shao. You won’t be disappointed if you didn’t have any expectations in the first place.

    Image
    Click if it isn’t animating.

    I wouldn’t call it pessimism, since there isn’t any negative form of thinking involved; it’s some kind of stoner philosophy, except I’m too noisy and brash to be a stoner in the first place…

    You know, sitting aside and watching things unfold without any intervention and stuff, only raising your hand when things are going south real quick. I’ve been testing this philosophy and I’ve been happy as a lark so far.

    “So far” being an hour ago. But it’s been real good. So I’ll try it.

    Blargh, I hate how my problems always seem so trivial compared to that of others.

    —–

    Sigh.

    ~

    I *might* be getting my guitar tomorrow! Hold on hold on I must not expect stuff. I’m not I’m not I’m not.

  • I’m back again

    Alright, I’m gonna attempt typing this all in one shot, so that I don’t go off-course by accident.

    BTW, future Shao, I had an early day off today, so don’t punch me for typing this at 2pm. Typing blog posts at 2pm on a school day? Tch.

    Chances are that if you’re reading this, you probably know what I got a B for Chinese. Although I punctuated it on Twitter with two exclamation marks, (“B FOR CHINESE!!”) I was quite disappointed. I thought I could’ve gotten an A. But oh well, it was a pretty good grade for some subject which I didn’t really give much of a damn about. I just hope that I can choose my own university application, rather than letting my grades decide what I can or can’t take. Sitting in the hall while the seniors got their results was immensely sobering. I’ll revise later.

    Good news is that I’m gonna get an electric guitar within the next week. I’ve been saying this for the past 2 weeks though. My indecision’s being compounded by the alarmingly huge price tags and such. I’ve got my eyes set on the Yamaha Pacifica 112V though, and I really wish to be shreddin’ before the blocks. It would be nice to have a band, but who the hell drums anyway.

    Also, Health and Fitness has 2 brand new members. They’re adorable, in the obedient way. I never really expected anyone to join, really. Come on, we’re talking about Health and Fitness. Ah, and I can finally touch my toes while standing straight. They feel cold, like short little fingers.

    Watched Dramafeste last Thursday. In my humble and not-publicly-broadcasted opinion, it was rather flat. The year before, our year, it was diverse: Athena had a comedy, Apollo had a drama rivalling the most clichéd of Channel 8’s (sorry), Artemis had a mindmashing-thriller and Ares had a dramedystery (wait for it… a drama, a comedy and mystery HOOOLY SHIII). Okay, maybe it wasn’t that diverse, but at least each was distinct and had their own mood. This year’s was simple. A Comedic Duo (The Indian Police, The Barista and the Helper, The NSK, The Police) + South Asian (The Indian Police, the Helper) Only Artemis’s was close enough to being as different as possible, but it still fell flat, somehow.

    Sigh.

    I usually worry about things I’m not supposed to worry about. About how important I’m supposed to be in the eyes of others; about how much money I can save for the next week (which I never really end up saving). But right now I’m just frustrated at how I seem to be the one following after everyone else, how I’m the one always making the “wrong” decisions. But then it’s normal for this to happen; it’s just me overstating my importance. Right? I really need to work on my self-expression. Expression of statements. How I express myself. Yes, that’s right. If I worry any more it’s gonna make things worse, so I better keep stuff to myself.

    When something goes wrong, look to the skies for help. The clouds are rather pretty these days. Except when it’s raining.

    It’s freezing when it rains.

  • 46 minutes

    I ran for 46 minutes in one go today! Coincedentally, that’s the name of a HIMYM episode!

    -To come: Lump of text detailing how my idea of an ideal Athenian Dramafeste play should go, experiences of running for long time and russian wrestlers-

  • resolutions

    With a new year comes new everythings, ranging from an increment in age to different expectations to more people known

    Starting from tomorrow onwards, I resolve to become a better person: not just in spirit, but physically as well because fat dudes are undesirable. A few weeks ago we did this exercise where we had to list 30 things we want to accomplish. The bottom list is made up of much of that.

    GOALS FOR 2012:

    1. Run for 30/45 mins every day (or 2/3 days if this is really too much)
      The PE teacher told me to do this to lose the pounds or something, but I actually record my weight in kilograms! GASP! OH BOY DON’T YOU AGREE THAT BEING SKINNIER MAKES YOU AWESOME?
    2. Stop swearing!
      Because frankly swearing like a sailor never did anyone any good. HEARD THAT, SPECIFIC FEMALE READER?
    3. Treat everyone better.
      VAGUE. But brilliant.
    4. Finish homework before starting up the laptop
      I’m slipping away and this should help me get back into shape.
    5. Learn to whistle awesomely!
      Especially with 2 fingers! Water drops can entertain for only so long.
    6. Get phone fixed soon!
      Okay, this is part of the laundry list that I fixed up for myself, it’ll be there.
    7. Get an electric guitar because it is awesome.
      There is no reason why this shouldn’t be on anyone’s list, really.
    8. Resist peer pressure.
      I’m a weak person and I will be stronger so that I can defeat the magical phrase: “come join me”.
    9. Investigate meaning in life.
      I’m a teenager, forgive me.
    10. Stop being so damn paranoid.
      Not everyone’s out to do you in, you tard.
    11.  Change someone’s life for the better
      A bit of a stretch!
    12. Make someone’s day, everyday.
      Suck-up time.
    13. Use the other party’s name when saying “hi”, “bye” or in general conversation
      Research has shown that people are much happier when
    14. That one thing I told myself to stop doing
      YEAH YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS STOP IT YOU COWARD
    15. Just be awesome.
      Easy.
    Quite possibly the best song ever:

    Take Me Out – Franz Ferdinand

    So if you’re lonely
    You know I’m here waiting for you
    I’m just a crosshair
    I’m just a shot away from you
    And if you leave here
    You leave me broken, shattered, I lie
    I’m just a crosshair
    I’m just a shot, then we can die

    I know I won’t be leaving here with you

    I say don’t you know
    You say you don’t know
    I say… take me out!

    I say you don’t show
    Don’t move, time is slow
    I say… take me out!

    I say you don’t know
    You say you don’t know
    I say… take me out!

    If I move this could die
    If eyes move this could die
    I want you…to take me out!

    I know I won’t be leaving here (with you)
    I know I won’t be leaving here
    I know I won’t be leaving here (with you)
    I know I won’t be leaving here with you

    I say don’t you know?
    You say you don’t know
    I say take me out

    If I wane, this can die
    If I wane, this can die
    I want you to take me out

    If I move, this could die
    If eyes move, this could die
    Come on, take me out

    I know I won’t be leaving here
    I know I won’t be leaving here
    I know I won’t be leaving here
    I know I won’t be leaving here with you

  • confidence

    There are many events that I’ve written posts about. Some are trivial, some are less trivial. This is very important.

    In early 2011, I was the weak little person which didn’t dare to talk to girls and was just slobberin’ around.

    Then 2012 came (but the blog post didn’t).

    In the past few days, I dug up my How I Met Your Mother Seasons 1-5 torrent and watched them, season by season (still at S3E7). By watching the antics of fictional people, many laughs were to be had. But what Barney (the womanizer not the dinosaur) taught me stuck. Not womanizing but that, well, everyone likes someone who’s confident.

    So there’s this new girl in our class. And I welcomed her.

    I can hear you thinking (heh) “WOAH WOAH WOAH THAT’S IT?”

    Well, I’ve never been very outgoing to strangers but something told me that I absolutely had to do this.

    And I did, and I’m proud of myself. Very.

    And that, future me, was the best first day of school ever.

    you know what this is rather lame never mind