minddump 2

I don’t know why but I have been so busy that I have been sleeping at 2-4AM for the entire past week which is terrifying.

a lot of people requested for my help in designing things and I hate saying no because it would make them disappointed and stuff. but this is making me way too busy for even my own homework and it’s starting to become not worth it and I’m getting very annoyed by that.

there’s also these nightly chat sessions I have with people that also take up a lot of time although I always find it worth the time.

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looking back I realise I have really really changed a lot since high school.

I have lost a lot of weight, become much more self-conscious and I really care about how I look now, like how I’m hating on how I show my gums whenever I laugh which looks really disgusting. I go walking every other day so my weight is dropping!

I don’t even know if this is for better or for worse. but people have been noticing that I’m thinner and I’m all more fun and shy and weird and stuff. I don’t know. ignorance is bliss? maybe!

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I picked up this self-help book about how to talk to anyone in every situation (not by leil lowndes though, her books are always loaned out) and it’s really really interesting, with this thing called the “future history” where you rehearse conversations in your head, which will kind of enforce your beliefs in yourself and make things turn out well.

I’m a very shy person around people I don’t know. hope that this book helps!

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I wish I wrote my mind out in high school, I really want to go back and read about what I did then and my thoughts and my feelings and all that interesting stuff. too bad it took me until now to jue wu. sigh.

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here’s what I did for the past 24 hrs:

Monday, 06/06/2011

1:00AM – 2:00AM competition video
2:00AM – 5:30AM sleep
5:30AM – 7:00AM travelled to school
7:00AM – 8:00AM facdanced with rayyan!
8:00AM – 11:30AM facilitator training
11:30AM – 1:00PM lunch preparations
1:00PM – 2:30PM random presentation watching
2:30PM – 3:30PM human foosball preparation
3:30PM – 6:00PM sianning in the sanctum with marie and kang!
6:00PM – 8:30PM damn funny dinnertime where they made me eat pizza with 1/2 a bottle of tabasco. tasted damn sour and made my tongue burn. gonna have diarrhea tmr I guess
8:30PM – 9:30PM terrible ride home
9:30PM – 10:30PM not too sure, must be bathing and stuff
10:30PM – 12:30AM TF2! + night chat session
12:30AM – 1:30AM typing out all this.

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I feel damn guilty for not contributing as much as I should during see², and rayyan has put in so much to make it all fun and productive. really respect that guy. I’ll see if I can be head of saikang or ops room officer, since slacking around is what I do best.

I need to be more self-motivated for everything, I get distracted so easily and I only hang out with people I know best and it’s really annoying when I regret not making more friends at the end of the day. I hope I can get rid of these habits and become more approachable.

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I’m not really putting in the best I can in everything I’m doing, I seem to be becoming more and more 得过且过 each day. I can’t seem to get motivated enough to revise or do my homework argghh. especially I&I, looks so annoyingly tedious.

oh well, less complaining more working!

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aaaaah dancenight withdrawal!

I can’t wait for the silicon valley trip, gonna do a lot of silly and fun stuff there! we’re having the briefing tomorrow, so I hope what’s lined up for us gives us time to do what we want such as our homework and making silly videos!

I was planning to learn artemis’s fac dance and have rayyan learn athena’s so we can go to the US and film us doing parts of each dance in a different area every time, “where the hell is matt” style. it’s gonna be so fun 😀

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oh damnit it’s 2 AM again