today I slept at 3 after writing the last blog post. I set my alarm to ring at 11, which was when yuchuan smsed me. I replied and turned over to sleep. then i woke up at 4:30. so pissed arghhhh.

I was feeling very confused so I rode my bike around pasir ris park from end to end just to settle my mind and do some soul searching, but all I could do was to pay attention to the road and keep hearing “attracted to us”. I got off my bike at the other end closer to changi because i thought it led all the way to east coast park. made me a bit disappointed because I realized that the park was too small for a group of people to have fun cycling. ahhh this sucks. now pasir ris is lousier than I thought and I want to move somewhere else.

I went home and ate something light and sat down to do the ridiculous gp homework, but then I started daydreaming and soulsearching. stupidstupidstupid.

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i thought for a while and realized that i have very weird tastes.

the only music I like are those I hear during memorable times, like when with friends (the lonely island) and parties (uh) and stuff like dancenight (18 dummy) and stuff I like a lot (tf2 stuff) because I don’t listen to the radio.

my entire wardrobe consists of checkered uncle (according to qilin hmph) shirts because I never go out and I only go out with adults.

I hung out with people who find going out stupid and would rather be with their families or computers

I didn’t care about anyone or anything in the past, no feelings no soulsearching no heart to heart talk no caring about my weight no revising.

just gaming gaming gaming gaming competitions competitions gaming study study study. complete innocence and honesty in everything I said and did.

ahhh I lived the past 4 years without a life!! 🙁

I’ve been a social recluse and a lifeless nerd for years. wasted time I can’t ever get back.

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I think when I came to JC I finally 想通了. I’ve changed so much and for the better but I don’t know.

I want to make a super close friend, someone who’d come to me if he has problems or a crush or is feeling confused. I don’t even know if anyone I know regards me as a best friend.

but I still can’t bring myself to study. I keep having this idea that I already know everything and if I do more it is 多余的. badbadbad. kang marie shungit we must have more study dates!