And I Dare You to Survive

It’s been ages since my last post; forgive my lack of updates.

I’ve been weak- Correction: I am still weak.

Every week, it’s the same damn thing; I don’t look forward to the next week, I build up a steadily worsening dread that nearly inflates to a panic attack (I am not kidding)

It’s a sad fact that every Singaporean son has to go through a ritual, of transforming from a mere boy to a man through 2 years of training.

That adulthood is nothing but a responsibility forced upon you, which would normally dawn upon you one year or another. Only in our darling country is it a law.

Every week is a series of dreams and nightmares; I wake up from one to another, hoping that the next day might be better than the last. The nightmares never end, and the dreams end too soon.

With equal dread and helplessness, of course, the fact that I’ve still to finish my 2 years and I’m not even through my first journey yet.

Every time we go through a simple set of physical trainings or even a 4km route march, I’d come out of it half-dead, face wet with perspiration and with the most tired face I’d give; one, which many people have commented, looks like I’ve seen death itself in the eye.

I’m no stranger to failure.

I’m weak, I’m close to breaking, and I want to give up.

I understand that many might look at this attitude with skepticism.

And I have no words for that.